So here’s another weighty matter that’s been rattling around in my head lately. It’s my side of an email dialogue I’ve been having with a Christ follower and long-time friend in Texas. I thought it might make for interesting reading.
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I’ve written about what went on last year with Julie; the thyroid thing, bipolar characteristics, etc. You know me, I consume information and I especially read a lot about this behavioral stuff. Now that she is on the right medication – synthroid, and only synthroid – she and I have talked a lot about how her mental state is affected by the thyroid hormone. Guys like to joke about our wives being ‘hormonal’ but this is an extreme case; she actually is hormonal because her body no longer makes T4. She’s described the ‘brain fog’ that creeps in on the days she is supposed to skip her pill. Her brain literally loses the ability to process information. Conversations beyond one phrase, or questions requiring more than a simple 'yes' or 'no' become strained and dismissive. Thankfully, we both know this now and understand how to manage it. She takes the hormone, her brain turns back on and I have my wife back. Amazing.
Leaving the personal situation and heading down the mental rabbit trail I followed over the summer: I learned a bit about personality development and behavioral characteristics; how one’s upbringing can result in a certain disposition or view towards people. At the risk of sounding like and appeal to the masses, I know many people who went through difficult, abusive childhood and teen years and ended up suspicious of people. It’s a coping mechanism developed to help defend against real or perceived threats. These things get deeply engrained in the personality centers of the brain.
I read up on other extreme situations in personality development. It was during this time that Austrian police discovered Josef Fritzl holding his own daughter in captivity for 20 years, siring multiple children by her. And I have to ask: What does that do to a person? What expectation does God put on that daughter and her kids? Does He take into account the fact their idea of “Father” has been irreparably damaged?
If so, can we take a step back from that case to one where abuse only occurs a few times? How about once? What if the victim has a genetic or environmental pre-disposition to emotional over-reaction and is “only” verbally abused? What about the children of Darfur, Nepal, Iraq or Chechnya who grow up in a constant life-or-death environment. God created their physical bodies with a ‘fight or flight’ system that can be over-stimulated to the point it stays on all the time. Witness the returning soldier who hears every household bump and creak as a bomb or gunshot.
Environmental conditioning. Trauma. Brain/body chemistry. Neglect. Abuse. All of these things affect us in ways we don’t even realize. We act today out of our past without thought – in large part because we are designed to. Google ‘amygdala’ or ‘limbic system’ sometime and you’ll see how the brain matches sensory inputs to emotional and physical responses – largely outside our ability to control.
Strangely, I think I’ve started to understand Calvinism a bit. He understood that people were broken which lead to his total depravity doctrinal plank. I think I agree with him that we are all broken and incapable of receiving the salvation God offers without His help. However, since studying all of this, I’ve wondered if some people are too broken to realize they need God. If that’s the case, where do you draw the ‘brokenness line?’ Throw in the many NT verses that seem to indicate that God wants all men to be saved – and the textual gyrations many people go through to describe why “all men” doesn’t really mean “all men,” and think I've figured out why the idea of Christian Universalism has some appeal.
And this is where it gets weird for me. I’m trying to figure out exactly what difference that soteriological viewpoint makes in my day-to-day interactions with people, non-believers especially. It’s not really up to me to decide whether someone goes to heaven when they die or not. I don’t see Jesus explicitly talking about it a lot in the gospels – no sinners' prayers or alter calls - he focuses on what God’s dominion is like (and you and I talk about that a lot) and how to live a kingdom life here. So the ‘weirdness’ for me is reflected in this thought: if God is going to decide people’s eternity (or they are expected to choose themselves if you are an Armenian) and people are largely broken anyway, the best thing I can do is love them today. And I think you know I mean engage in real, caring friendships with people without the salvation issue hanging over the proverbial head of the relationship. I can still pray for people, read the word, ask God to use me to meet people’s needs, listen, help, feed, clothe, hug, cry, laugh, etc. Right? Am I totally off the wall here?
I absolutely believe that a life dedicated to, and empowered by Christ yields the best possible life for everyone it touches. But, in a way, a life lived free of complex soteriology can lead to deeper relationships with people God loves because there’s no pressure to convert anyone or fear of losing one’s own salvation through tainted contact.
I’m still fleshing this out and am working my way through the Gospels again to look for answers. But I’m at a place where I’m far enough along that I’d like some feedback from someone who really thinks and doesn’t have a personal agenda with me. Let me know if I’m wandering too far off the path here. And yes, I may post this later.
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And so I did. Is there a stake in my future?
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